How to Help a Child with Anxiety
Written By Luna Porcaro, Clinical Intern – MHC Candidate
As a parent, you want to protect your children from anything that could potentially cause them harm. You know what to do when they fall off their bikes, complain of tummy aches, or lose their favorite toy. But what do you do when the pain is coming from within? It’s okay not to know the answer. We are all figuring out how to cope with the stressors our lives throw at us. You’ve found yourself here because you think your child might have anxiety. The first step is to understand what anxiety is.
Anxiety is a natural response to stimuli that pose a potential danger or threat. It can be an uncomfortable and unpleasant emotion, but it is not a negative one. At some point in our lives, we have all felt nervous, on edge, worried, frightened, or even anxious. In fact, occasional anxiety is a normal part of existence. It is when anxiety interferes with everyday life on an ongoing basis that it may be time to investigate a bit more.
Understanding Anxiety in Children
Children can also feel anxious when encountering stressful situations such as loss, starting school, separation, bullying, test-taking, public speaking, and moving to a new area. Just because your child is experiencing signs of anxiety does not always mean they have an anxiety disorder. When that occasional worry turns into excessive worry and you notice it impeding your child’s functioning, that should spark concern. So, what are the signs that you have an anxious child?
Signs Your Child Is Experiencing Anxiety
Children may have yet to develop the vocabulary to voice their anxieties. If this is the case, here are some signs to look out for:
Difficulty Concentrating
When your child is worried, they may struggle to stay focused and pay attention in school and/or at home. This difficulty concentrating may even increase their anxiety, as they may be forgetful of tasks assigned to them.
Irritability or Emotional Outbursts
You may notice your child is more on edge than usual. They may be irritable and easily set off. This may be because your child is unable to express their feelings of anxiety. When they can’t express those feelings, they may come out through irritability, anger, edginess, or increased emotional outbursts.
Avoidance Behaviors
Does your child suddenly refuse to go to school, attend social events, or stop participating in activities they typically enjoy? This may be a sign that your child is avoiding a stressor that is causing them anxiety. Stay aware and remain curious about this change in your child’s behavior.
Constant Worry
Your child may express feelings of fear or worry pertaining to a specific event. When this worry increases and becomes excessive, spreading throughout a wide range of situations, you should reach out to seek recommendations for additional support.
Physical Symptoms
As children may still be working on putting words to their emotions, they may be expressing them in physical form. Children with anxiety may show physical symptoms like stomachaches, nausea, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, headaches, vomiting, or shortness of breath. When physical symptoms show, it is always important to bring them up with their pediatrician to rule out any physical health issues.
How Do I Support My Child?
The first thing you can do to support your child is to normalize, not minimize, their feelings. It’s important to lay down a foundation of trust and create a safe, non-judgmental, validating space for your child to come to you with their concerns. Remember that the goal is not to defeat anxiety but to help your child build the tools to manage it. Use active listening and empathy to engage in open discussions, helping your child solve difficult situations that may arise.
As parents, you are the greatest role model for your child. Ask yourself: How do I handle stressful situations and anxious thoughts? Your child will look to you to learn to cope. Use your tools to teach your child what to do with difficult emotions. You want to teach your children how to have a healthy relationship with fear and anxiety through co-regulation. Remember not to blame yourself; as parents, we do the best we can with the tools we have, and it is never too late to collect more.
Coping Tools to Use With Your Child
Create a sensory kit
Spend some intentional time with your child to build a kit filled with meaningful objects that provide them comfort. Encourage them to keep this kit accessible so that when they experience strong emotions, overstimulation, or crisis, they can reach for comfort. Focus on the five senses—touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste when including objects in their kit.
Utilize the 3-3-3 rule.
When your child is experiencing anxiety, practice the 3-3-3 coping strategy at the moment by asking them to look around and identify 3 objects, 3 sounds, and move 3 different body parts. This is a grounding technique to focus on re-entering the present moment and self-regulating.
Practice Dragon Breathing
Dragon breathing adds a fun twist to the paced and deep breathing we know as adults. To practice dragon breathing, start by encouraging your child to relax their face and begin to take a deep breath in through their nose and exhale through their mouth. After a few moments of deep breathing, you will now add the fire of the dragon breath. With a deep inhale through their nose as they exhale, encourage them to really commit to the breath by forcefully sticking their tongues out and exhaling like a dragon breathing fire.
Remember to practice these skills when your child is in a regulated state, so when they are experiencing distressing emotions, they already have tools in their box they can turn to.
When to Seek Professional Help
Occasional anxiety is unpreventable and something we all learn to live with and cope with. Remember that if you notice symptoms of anxiety, it is always helpful to bring them up with your child’s pediatrician at their next visit. However, when the anxiety is persistent and excessive and you start noticing it affects your child’s thoughts and behavior, making it difficult for them to function in their daily lives, consider seeking professional help.
Begin Anxiety Treatment in Westchester, NY
When anxiety starts to get in the way of your child’s well-being, you deserve support in addressing the core causes. Our team would be happy to offer support in teaching you new coping techniques and providing a supportive space to learn them. You can start your therapy journey with Lotus Psychotherapy by following these simple steps:
Meet with a caring therapist from our team
Start supporting your child as they cope with anxiety in healthier ways!
Other Services Offered with Lotus Psychotherapy
Anxiety therapy isn’t the only service our team offers. We offer a variety of services to support your mental health including DBT group therapy, therapy for stress, trauma therapy, and therapy for depression. In addition, we are also happy to provide in-person therapy services from our White Plains, NY office and via online therapy. We also offer individual therapy, therapy for teens, therapy for new and expecting parents, and group therapy and workshops.